11 years.

11 years ago I met the woman who would change my life.

We have had up's and down's and will like every couple. We have been to the brink of disaster but have always been able to find a way to make it work. 

She is the reason I push so hard and am able to do the things I have done, the things I am going to do and keep my dreams alive. 

Thank You for being my rock, my motivation and my star.

I love you so much.

My open letter the the Haters.

I have a blog I use on Tumblr that was started as a Triathlon blog but it has kinda turned into an everything in my life blog. Today I got some very disturbing hate mail because of a picture I posted with a caption:

My weigh-in #288 lbs. Time to try and lose 30 pounds in 10 weeks. I think it’s totally doable.

This drew out someoe who I guess has been following my blog for a bit and now thought it was time to send me this hateful message and I did the only thing I could do. Respond in as Kind a way as I could.

So here is my open letter to the “Grey Face Coward”.

Dear Grey Face.

Thank you for taking the time out to read my posts and care enough to comment on my journey in life. Yes I have had some ups and downs, we all do. Hell no one is perfect, and if you say you are I call Bullshit.

Now Yes I have lost and gained weight. There are a few reasons as to why this has happened. Here is a short list.

• Medication 
• Depression 
• My mental disability 
• My diet 
• MY LIFE 

So yes there are many other factors and yes I have come a long way. I will not let your simple minded thoughts deter me from reaching and passing my goals. I am setting small goals and will add to them as I pass each goal I set.

And Yes I have allot of kids. I love each and every one of my kids and if you EVER want to challenge me about my kids I will not be the nice guy I am. I can be a very bad bad man when it comes to my kids. Ask my old neighbor, he almost lost his head with my hammer.

And lastly by using the word retard you just go to show how simple minded you really are. I am not a retard; I am a human being who has a mental disability that is so far incurable. I have Tourette Syndrome. Now if you want I’d love to sit back and explain I will explain what it is that you think is retarded.

Tourette Syndrome is a neurological disorder characterized by recurrent involuntary movements, including multiple neck jerks and sometimes vocal tics, as grunts, barks, or words, especially obscenities.

Now my tics are not as bad as some (no asswipe I don’t swear) but they are noticeable to me and some of those around me. Today my tics are pretty good until now. So if you want to hate me for being different and trying my damnedest to be the best father, person, role model, inspirational figure I can be than thanks for hating, It is making me push harder and be better than I was yesterday.

Signed:

A father, Triathlete, Runner, Cyclist and Fundraiser for the Masses.

Chris

Mental Shaming is not right.

I am going to rant a bit here. Yesterday something was said to me and I almost lost my cool but I held my tongue and stayed calm. Here is the back story.

Yesterday I was at the YMCA teaching my class and there was a lady who was there with her grandchildren. They are good kids and as we finished up the first hour of workouts and heading to the pool, I had a few kids being silly. The woman voiced that she wouldn’t take that and would sit them on a bench. I brushed it off.

We get in the pool and some more digs were made and again I let it slide. The kids were having a blast and enjoying themselves and as quick as it started class was over. As I was walking out of the change room I had on my YMCA volunteer shirt and the grandparent look at me and said

“Oh you just volunteer here?” to which I said I do. She had this look of shock that someone would do this as a volunteer she asked what else I teach. I told her that I also teach IronTots at noon and Youth night from 5-9pm. She asked me what my Job was and I told her volunteer instructor. She said “No your real job?”

I told her I was on Disability and I swear to you that her head snapped back and she said “What?” I repeated myself and she said “Why? You don’t look disabled to me? You look normal to me. Oh you’re just milking the system.” I looked at her and said calmly that I have Tourette Syndrome and that I am nice enough to take time out of my studies as a student and Triathlon training to teach her grandchildren about the sport.

There seems to be a lot more focus on Fat shaming these days and that is great to get the word out there but what about those who are mentally disabled? Not everyone looks like we are disabled, we look like everyone else. Some are battling Depression, Social Anxiety (SA), Autism, Asperger Syndrome (AS), Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or like myself Tourette Syndrome (TS).

I know allot of people who suffer from all of the above mentioned illnesses and yes I have friends who are physically disabled too and it bothers me when I will be with them and see people making fun of someone because they are in a wheelchair, blind, or are having a moment when they have involuntary body movements and people like to point it out.

Well I want to say that it sucks. I have been bullied all of my life because of it and NOW is my time to stand up and say STOP. I held my cool with that grandparent but I want people to know that we may brush it off but it cuts like a knife DEEP. Please think what you are about to say before you say it. It may not sound like it hurts but it does.

Here is my Transformation Tuesday post. Back in 2009 I was at my heaviest weight. I was pushing 320 pounds. I had a wake up call when my dad got sick and it motivated me to get fit. I got P90X and with the help of my coaches Phil and his wife Jen I worked hard. I had some stumbles and injuries along the way. I made normal far down as 230 pounds and a series of injuries & setbacks sidelined me.

I had to have emergency surgery and was told no more lifting for 3-4 months. I listened but working out was my way to get out my issues. I started running just 17 days out for surgery. 6 months later I was running my first 10km race. I had a great teacher and he took the time out if his own IRONMAN training and taught me. He took me to my first ever triathlon and I vowed to do it myself.

Last spring I was told to not run anymore and that the dream of becoming a triathlete or an ironman may be out. I told myself last spring that I will become a Triathlete no matter what. And last fall I did. I did my first sprint Tri and I am getting back on track to train and get back in shape so I can do my IRONMAN in a few years.

I have transformed to a better person and lost that person but now it's time to transform again, this time into a fit human who will never give in again.

This is over a 4 year period. It's not an overnight thing like everyone thinks. I have fallen and picked myself up a few times. Now that I am sober and on track I think it is time to pick myself up and Kick Ass again.

Day 29: The Blizzard.

Today most of my kids went to school. Just before Lunch I got a call saying that J-Man was not feeling well and I had to go get him. So off I trekked to his school in The Blizzard of 2014 (Not really just being dramatic) to get him and we walked home. Thankfully the wind was at our back for the way home. 

Day 28: Progress.

I have been sick and haven't worked out much in the last few weeks, so when I was standing in the bathroom after my bath and I looked at myself and I needed to take a picture. I know I am not where I want to be yet but I am happy with the progress I am seeing.  

Day 27: A Dogs Life.

Dog's don't really care what you have done, who you are, or what you are. They care about you, They will be there for you when you are down, sick, crying, or just depressed. This is my partner is crime. Miss Molly.

It is funny because I was the guy who said No to getting a dog. I was upset that we got one but as soon as she walked (waddled) into our lives I was a snowman in Florida, Melted. She has become my suck of a dog and I love her so much.

Day 26: The Test

Sometimes we have things that hit us and we wonder what the hell. Why are we being treated the way we are? What are we being tested for? Why are we being tested? This Photo says it all. My weakness is not what is important but the discovery of our strengths are what matters. 

Time to get get it back in gear.

Last night I drank, I drank allot. I knew it was a bad idea, but I didn't let that stop me. I thought that it would help me forget my problems. It didn't.

I have gone years without drinking and I fell off the wagon. I have been here before and I knew today that I don't want to go back there again. I can normally have a drink and enjoy myself, But with the things going on in my life over the last 2 months I guess I forgot how to stop.

While I was drinking I somehow I hurt my back. I don't know how but sometime after I went to bed I must have hurt myself. I didn't sleep well and more than anything drinking didn't solve any of my problems. I want to say that I am sorry for falling off the wagon. I will be strong.

With that said it is time to get back on track. Today is a new day.

Day 25: The Race.

#Project365 Day 25: The Race.

Did the 5km "Freeze Your Buns Run" today and I hurt the whole way. It was cold and the wind was a killer. But I had fun. First of many races of 2014.

Day 24: Never Give Up.

My oldest daughter has never done anything like this before and as mad as she was the first day about not knowing how to Cross Country Ski she didn't let that stop her. The second day she was upset that she had to do it but when I saw her on the trail the second day she was having a blast.

Day 23: The Frosty.

This photo was taken after hiking/snowshoeing for almost 3 hours in the mountains of Quebec. It was -30 and we had a blast. We got lost and ended up on the top of the mountain overlooking the lake. I should have taken that photo but forgot. 

Day 22: On the Road.

Was up at 5:30 am to get on the road for a school field trip. 3 hours later I was in trouble. Lots of food, snow and fun was about to be had. 

Day 21: People Watching

Bella loves when we go to the grocery store in our town. They have a second story where you can go sit and look out over the store. Miss Bella was sitting there talking to the ladies in the produce department. 

Day 20: The Bug

On Day 20 we got an early wake-up call. My little princess woke up with a fever. It was between 102F to 106F for a few days after. She is feeling a bit better hope the weekend will get her back to normal. 

Day 19: The Weigh-In.

This morning I did my weekly weigh-in and measurements and I was floored. In the last 2 weeks I have lost almost 10 pounds. Here is my Chart on Google Docs.

Day 18: The Happiest Day.

On Aug 23rd my life changed so much. At that point Amanda and I have been together for 5 years and all I wanted to do was Marry the woman of my dreams. With my dad, brothers and a few other members of my family and Amanda's family and a few friends in our back yard we got married. 

It was and still will always be my proudest moment in my life.

Day 17: The Running Man

So I was having a bad day and I knew how to change it. I went and ran the race course that I will be doing on the weekend. I ran hard as I could. My sides were hurting, felt like I wanted to puke, and I just pushed harder.

As great of a run it was I was plagued with issues too. My headphones stopped working, my app crashed on the run, my phone kept going off with calls and text messages too. At one point I was running a 3'33" pace according to my Nike+. 

Day 16: My Other Kid.

When Miss Molly was born I told my wife No. I said I didn't want a dog at all. I said they cost to much. And my wife didn't listen and before we knew it Miss Molly was in our front yard. She came to us when she was just a month old and we needed to hand feed her because the parents were getting sick because the guy next door was poisoning them. 

I would push her off the couch because I didn't think dogs should be on the furniture. Well that didn't work and she became a daddy suck. She is my dog and the kids are just her personal chew toys. 

I sit with you daddy?

Day 15: Shake You.

My life has been hated, rated, shaken ad broken ad it is only half way into January. I am going to find a way to make it better, Some How.

Day 14: The Swing

We missed the first class but my son picked up playing squash like a pro. His first time he ever held a racket and he hit the ball 6 out of 10 times. Not to bad I'd say. It even got me to sign up for Squash also.

Day 13: Life

I need to remember this. I need to live by Rocky Balboa's motto. I think I 'm going to go find Rocky and watch them all. 

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!” 

― Sylvester Stallone, Rocky Balboa

Day 12: The Flood

Well this picture is from out basement and the water that has been slowly coming in for the last few days. This can be a metaphor for my life right now or it ca be what it is, Just to much for the foundation of the house to handle. Either way it really sucks. 

Day 11: KeepTriing Kids edition.

This picture was taken when my youngest was doing her IronTots class. Here she is running the gauntlet i class. She loves to swim, bike & run so I signed her up for a class that is geared just to that. She had such a blast and loved every minute of it. Sometimes you need to just let them grow up ad do what they want. Until that day comes, Daddy will mold you into a mini triathlete. 

Day 10: The little things.

We are always in such a rush in our lives that we never stop for just a second to watch what those around us. Today after we had made supper I happen to look and see my daughter painting her nails.

I never said anything I just watched as she talked to herself about how she can’t paint her thumb nails because she is a thumb sucker. After about 10 minutes she realizes that I am watching her and she called me silly.

Sometimes we just need to slow down and just watch what is going on with our kids, friends, family, and just people in general. 

"Family is not an important thing. It's everything."

~ Michael J. Fox

Day 9: The Next Chapter.

Today I spoke to someone and opened up. He and I had some laughs and I told him allot. We talked about what kind of help I want to get and we made a plan.

I told him how I was told that I should tell my story and become a public speaker. I told him that Yes I have seen and been around allot of stuff but it is not something I should share with people. Well today after thinking about what my friend Jonathan had said to me before and having this person tell me to get off my ass and share my story I am.

So with that said I am going to start writing out my story. It will not be finished for awhile because I want to finish it about crossing the finish line as a Champion. It will be done when I cross that finish line of the IRONMAN.  I will be sitting down in the next week and emailing my friend who is a writer and asking for some advice.

He helped me out when I was with Operation Come Home and when we wrote a collective book were published. I will share my story for the world to read. It will nt be easy but it needs to be done.

Here is to a new chapter in life, a happier chapter.

Day 8: Our Faults.

We all have a story that people don't know. We all have our faults that come undone. 

Look at Lance Armstrong. He lived a lie for how many years? And one day his faults shifted and cracked. His life changed in a split second.

We all have our faults. Some fracture under normal life and others crack under extreme pressures. Mine are coming to show and there is no hiding my faults. I could try to fill them and hide them, but that is not what I'm about. Open book here.

With that said I'm not sure what is going on and I'm thankful that I'm able to get the help to try and figure this out.

I just hope that doing this I'm not going to lose my family. They have supported me before, but now it feels like I'm not letting them anymore. I get angry easily, my temperament has been unstable as of late, my dreams and aspirations are just dying.

I want to give up. No bike shop, no IRONMAN, no school, just shut down everything I've worked so had for. I know that's not the right thing to do and am fighting off the hasty urges to just say "F it" and scrap everything. Last night I almost did. I almost posted my bike online to sell it, I didn't but I almost did.

Just remember that we all have our faults, sometimes it's to be number one, to please someone, to be successful, smarter than someone else, whatever it is try to be open about it. Try to show your weakness so that you can build on them and make them the strongest part of you.

Day 7: The Fear.

We went tot he dentist and Miss Bella said that she was scared. She has never really gone to a dentist before. So we knew she was kind of scared. We told her that the dentist was just wanting to count her teeth and see how everything was in her mouth. She refused. We got into the cab and she was having a bit of a meltdown.

We got to the dentist and she was still a bit scared until we walked in. Well I am not sure what happened but she was fine. They called me back to get my check up and as I am laying there I hear the kids go by also. They put J-Man in one room, Miss Bella in another room, and I could hear my wife say to J-Man that she was going to be back but needed to make sure Miss Bella was fine.

They did the check ups on the kids and said that J-Man has 2 spots that need to be fixed and Miss Bella has one. After spending almost 3 hours at the dentist they were able to put one of the kids in to get their teeth fixed. So I asked who wanted it done and Miss Bella put up her hand. I kind of thought this is going to be bad, but she walked all the way to the back, jumped up into the chair and laid back.

They gave her some sleep gas and went to work. She was a Champ, and was running around like normal within a minute after the Dentist fixed her tooth. She has made a point to say that she is not scared at all. And she got over it because as she said

"They got T.V's with Bubble Guppies and Netflix."

What a kid I tell ya.

Day 6: The Truth

This is the truth. There is no sugar coating it. When you start out with someone it seems like things are going strong and great. One day your partner will start to fall out of love with what you're doing and that is the start of your downfall if you let it happen.

Don't let that happen. You need to know that your life's goals are only yours. Yes you may share a common interest, but that is it. An interest. Or you may compete and that will ruin your friendship/relationship and that is not cool. 

It is awesome if you can get the support but remember this You are alone in this journey of life. No one is going to know what you are thinking, doing, planning, fulfilling other than yourself. 

There is No sugarcoating it. This is life. 

Day 5: The measurements.

Yesterday I posted my photo of the scale and I have gotten allot of positive feedback. I will touch on that in a second, but today's photo is of my measuring tape.

I remember when I lost 100 pounds before I always went on the scale and I would get frustrated that I was not losing some weeks but gaining. I couldn't figure out why until I talked to my friends and Beachbody coach Phil and told him what my issues were. I told him that I am working hard and following my healthy eating change and I am gaining weight.

He asked if I am measuring myself. I said to him,
No Why?

That is when he explained the whole pound of muscle vs pound of fat. He told me to start taking measurements and keeping track. I did and I noticed that the days the scale went up so did my arms, legs, chest and thighs, but my waist and belly got smaller.

I try to tell this to people and always have this picture to show them. After showing this most people see the point of measuring your body. Today I took my measurements and they can be seen HERE.

Now as for my post yesterday I was told that diet and exercise is a huge thing, and that it will take time. I agree. In the last 4 years I have lost close to 100 pounds and gained most of it back. It took me 30 years to put it on and I know it will not go away if I skip that meal, just like i know that I will not gain it all back if i eat that huge burger. My big issues is that I love to eat. I have fought off many addictions in my life and food is just another one.

The one thing I am going to be working on this year is to make all my food for the week. I will plan out my meas and eat more yet small meals and water will be my best friend. I plan to drink 5L+ of water a day and try to cut out the boxed crap. It will be hard but I am determined to do this. 

I will post me weight and measurements every Sunday and post my weekly workouts using Fitocracy. You can track my workouts HERE. 

So on that note. Happy Sunday and Enjoy the day. 

Day 4: The Scale

So for Day 4 I am going to put my weight. I have been trying to get this under control and have so much to lose 100 pounds. I started at over 330 pounds and got down to 245 3 years ago. After fighting injuries and depression I gained back a large chunk of what I have lost. 

My goal is to lose about 2 pounds a week. I think that is very doable. That will put me at just over 100 pounds in a year.I will be getting my schedule back on track. Since the kids are out of school for the winter break I have been up until 2-4 am most days, and not working out at all. over the last 2 weeks I have put on 6 pounds also.

My schedule is going to be:

Monday: Spin (morning) Run (night)
Tues: Weights (morning) Karate (night)
Wed: Spin (morning) Run (night)
Thur: Weights (morning) Karate (night)
Fri: Spin (morning)
Sat: Karate (morning) Run (afternoon)
Sun: Rest (swim with the kids)

This is a very doable schedule as I will also be in school too so this will have to do until April when I start to step up training for my Olympic triathlon.

Day 3: Motivation

Sometimes we come across these little motivational saying on social media and think to ourselves. Yes that is about me. I know how that feels. Well this one just hit me like a Mack truck (yes I know what that feels like as I have been hit by a Mack truck in 2000) and knew what it meant to me. 

In the last month I have been tested beyond where I thought I needed to be, but I am learning my strengths and where my weaknesses are. In 2014 I will find my weak spots and work on them. 

Body, Mind & Soul.

2014 is going to be my year to be to improve the person than I am and help become a person I never thought I could be.

Day 2: Karate

Tonight My daughter and I went to an unofficial official Karate class. It was wild weather, cold a heck and totally crazy to go but we did and that is all that matters. Great class with a great teacher Sensei Michael.

I posted that Dianne the lady on the right beat me up today and Sensei Mike said the following.

"but you're doing a great job and are closer and closer to your yellow belt with every class... be proud of yourself... your daughter too."

That makes me feel great knowing that 3 months ago I was not able to do the kiba dachi stance and now I am doing Taikyoku Shodan pretty good, working on Te Waza, and most of all just enjoying myself and doing something I never thought I could.

Day 1: #Project365

So with the new Year here I had this idea that I pictures of either myself, family, friends, nature or something I find interesting. I kind of got the idea from Google+. They did the same thing but it was only 2 dozen photos in a min added to some music.

That got me thinking and I decited that I am going to take a photo every day and add it to a folder and on Jan 1st 2015 I will put it all together and show how my year went. It could be pretty interesting to say the least. 

So for day one I took this photo of me that the Gym getting ready to do my workout with the kids. 

But after a really crappy workout and feeling like crap I went for a 4 km run outside in the -38C Canadian winter air and got this picture instead. I really think it shows how determined I am going to be in 2014.

So here it comes down to this. Which one should be the official day one picture? I think this will be a cool little project to keep my mind occupied. 

Happy New years everyone.